I can't stop when it comes to you

my mind is in a billion places so this will be scattered... i'll do a bullet points system but it will jump around a lot, you have been warned...

• isn't it amazing how in one instant your whole perspective can change? how one comment from someone can change everything?
• How do you trust anyone in this world? It's Human Nature to lie... Everyone lies. so how do you take the blind leap of faith to trust someone... and what do you do when that trust is shattered? Can you walk away? What if you know you have to but you're just not strong enough to? what does that say about you?
• I've been hit with super bad luck. I'm told at least once a day I have the worst luck ever. I was in a car accident on Sept. 29th. It hurt my back pretty bad.... Jan. 29... yes 4 months to the day, i was in another one.... since the first one, i've been struggling, trying to regain my footing and the second one happened and i just felt like saying, fine Life, you win, i give up and i wanted more than anything to just quit caring cuz i was so tired of it just being one thing after another... ya know? Obviously i told Life to go to hell and save me a seat...
• Have you ever wondered if you're just doing more harm to someone than good...
• Do i sound like i'm having major issues? perhaps major self esteem problems
• thoughts are planted in your mind and try as you might, you can't let them go... who knew you had the ablity to affect something from so far away.... apparently you do... or rather i do and if someone else's words are to believed, i suddenly understand why i'm so hated. I don't agree cuz technically, it's not ME! i'm just there.. kinda... and because i'm somewhat there, involved in a way, it all becomes my fault.... i'm not making any sense am i? In my head I am, i swear... but like i've said, my mind is going a million miles a minute.
• I just had to do something really hard... i had to let go of something I hold dear. it's not completely gone... just not all mine anymore because it shouldn't have been all mine in the first place. It was unfair and until the whole situation can be rectified and until all the pieces have fallen into place, i do have to let go of that something, just a little... and i have. and i'll be strong, and i'll have my brave face on because once upon a time, even just over a year ago, that's all anyone ever saw and in the past 4 months that facade has crumbled and it's up to me and me alone to build that back up... it reminds me of a few Buffy quotes that seem to fit... (I'm a Buffy nerd, leaveme alone :P)

• Buffy:.... 'Cause I'm sick and tired of doing it myself.
  Whistler:In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've got. That's the point.

• Angelus:Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left?
  Buffy:Me.
  
  
  
• IS it true? at the end of the day can we really truly only rely on ourselves to get us through... sometimes... sometimes i feel so jaded and i believe so... other times, i take a chance on someone and i end up burned... At the end of the day.. the world is just one big fucked up place...
• I'm hurting now.. my back hurts, but my heart hurts and i don't even know why. Is it because some ideas were planted in my head that i can't really know if they're true or not because i'm not where i'm supposed to be? and if they are... there's the big question, huh? What if.... what if they are.... ? then where exactly am i going to be when it all falls down...

You see how scattered my brain is? I think i need to finish this later... cuz nine tenth of my thoughts still haven't figured how to come out...