remember how i was all over the place.. still kinda going on... hmmm
- everything happens for a reason. everything. right? so why fight it? why not except it? maybe because deep down in your gut, you know this isn't right, that this can't be the way... right? what if you're fooling yourself....
- my W key isn't working properly, so i might miss some W's
- when did my life become a great big ball of suckish? and when did i let it bother me so much? i don't know.. i'm trying to figure it out, i'm so confused....
- what happens, when the first person who totally believed in you and what your capable of finally gives up? like how am i supposed to react? how am i supposed to feel? is it a frickin wonder i'm so down on myself?... it gets better... what do you do when, just a little while later, the person who just believed in you as a whole, the person who was your sun, your reason, your everything, just gives up on you in general? how do you react then? how are you supposed to feel then? some may claim that's not the case, that they haven't given up... but... in a way... they did..
- i'm not perfect, i'm far from perfect... i have my flaws... actually i'm pretty sure more flaws than not... i'm kind just realizing that... i mean, i always knew i was far from perfect but i didn't realize how many flaws actually existed, or how to fix them... i feel like certain...events... some tragic (no, i'm not exaggerating) have messed me up beyond belief... and i can't just be normal... and i have a tendency to screw up anything and everything...
- i also have a tendency to take all the blame on myself, cuz i mean, if i screw up once, everything somehow ends up being all my fault, and i'm the one left begging for one more try, begging to not give up...
- i'm so gonna get yelled at for this but i really wish they would try... jut TRY and see it from my side... see how i'm feeling, ask why i feel this way..
- i had 2 panic attacks today, count em, 2.... somethings not right there, but i had to keep my mouth shut... well moreso, i put what was going on aside, to deal with more pressing matters at the moment... but the fact of the matter is, it was frickin scary.... like i... well if you've had panic attacks you know... now have them close together... *shudders*
- i'm gonna be in so much trouble.. sigh... but.. i don't have an outlet, i don't have anyone to talk to... and this is all just... pretty vague...
- cheerleading is big right now an it's giving me wonderful, wonderful ideas...
- today... i was hurt so much... i felt like i had gone 5 years in the past and was with my ex again. horrible things were said to me and for a while... i was that girl again, i was that scared little girl, who believed it all and didn't know better and it scared me and it made me feel awful... and i still do... i think that's what brought on the first panic attack...
- i did a lot of wrong but a lot of wrong was done to me...
- i don't know what to do anymore. i'm lost. i'm not looking for a pity party, i'm nto wanting everyone to feel sorry for me, i'm just being honest, i just need to get so much out right now and i dunno who to talk to... or what to do... i'm so pathetic...
- i just watched Hellcats, the ending made me cry... wait what hasn't today?
- and thus ends my thoughts for now...
except... Some people have seen you at your worst and left you, the ones who stay are the ones who deserve you.
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