To whom it may concern...

HA I remember when you always wanted me to send you whatever I write… so I did, and you got mad, so I said to hell with it and got this blog… the chances of you finding out about it are slim to none, mainly cuz you’re just not interested in anything I do.
Don’t lie.
It’s true.
And if you say it’s not, well it’s how you continually keep acting..
I’m frustrated, and it’s a recurring theme. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m frustrated, by your complete and utter lack of caring and it’s the same god damned thing every week.
So why am I still here?
Why the fuck am I still here?
One simple, but oh so complicated funny little word…
LOVE
I never wanted love. I never wanted marriage, I never wanted kids, then BAM! You happened. And no matter how miserable I am sometimes, I can’t regret any of it. Not a god damn thing that has happened. I still have hope.
God, I used to be so cynical, so very cynical to anything that has to do with love. It goes beyond just being burned in the past… I’ve been hurt, I’ve suffered physically, mentally, and emotionally, by so called love, or what stupid little boys (cuz no way they were men) have done. I carry a memory, a nightmare of a night that will be forever engrained in my mind. I still dream about it, I still cry about it, and it has left me jaded, so jaded and cynical to anything pertaining to love.
The first love of my life had destroyed my mental health. he hurt me physically, trying to stop me from pursuing my dream. He made me feel like crap emotionally and I stayed because I felt I would never find anyone better. He made me believe that, and it took me a long time after I left him to believe otherwise.
God overdramatic much?
Psh my blog, I can say and do whatever I want so nyeah!
But sadly this did happen. It’s made me better… stronger… more cautious.
But you happened. And like I said I still have hope…
You made me believe in love again. You made me believe that marriage and kids were possible, but you do that, and all of a sudden you pull a 180…
I’m so confused…
You made me care again…. And sometimes, I really hate that. Sometimes I don’t even know how to handle these emotions… life was easier when I didn’t have to deal with him…
Basically what it all comes down to, I’m not giving up…
But I’m done chasing you…
I’m SO done it’s not even funny…
To quote a song that sums up EXACTLY how I’m feeling right now, even if it is Miley Cyrus, cuz shut up, I love Hannah Montana and not afraid to admit it...

It’s awkward and it’s silent.
As I wait for you to say,
But what I need to hear now,
Your sincere apology,
When you mean it, I’ll believe it,
If you text it, I’ll delete it
Oh lets be clear.
I’m not coming back,
You’re taking 7 steps here…

What the heck am I talking about? Simple. What have I been so upset about lately? Oh, that’s right, perhaps your complete lack of acting like you have a girlfriend. Your complete lack of showing you care. I do so much for you, so stop taking me for granted cuz if this keeps happening… well I even have my limits, and one day I won’t be there, and then what will you do?
You’ll miss me. you’ll realize that you had it pretty good with me. you’ll realize no one will do all that I’ve done for you… you’ll realize how much you need me… but why let it go that far? Why not fix it now? Or perhaps what you need is that, to make you realize… to make you understand…
Like I said I’m done chasing after you. I’m done bending over backwards for you. I’m done being your personal punching bag when everything there has gone lousy.
I’m just here… waiting…
Waiting for you to realize
Waiting for you to get it…
Here’s hoping you do soon….

about a girl

wow.... so why haven't i made my way over here before now?

I like to write, once upon a time it was all i did and then i found another passion in life and i let my voice be silenced. i let myself be intimidated and i lost my only outlet because i was afraid. Whatever can i mean? If you continue reading i'm sure you'll find out... like i said, i like to write. i used to love blogging back in the days of myspace being the in thing to do...

This is the story about a girl... a girl who has been through a lot, has seen a lot, has felt a lot... perhaps no more special than anyone else, the only difference is, it's her story, told her way, no holds barred.
Once upon a time, she had nothing to hide, she was vocal in what she believed in, she let no one hold her back, but then things happened. things happened, she broke and she grew silent.
It's time to put it all back together. Superglue the pieces back together and be who she is meant to be and be great at what she's meant to be great at.
How? by starting to write again.

no this isn't a piece of fiction... this is me... all out there on display so bear with me...
it's not all easy... somedays are harder then others, some days, i'm completely random and i tend to babble. So Psycho Babble is the perfect name...
more then anything, i'm just happy that i found somewhere to write again, as me, not my alter ego, who i'm sure you'll meet soon enough... no really i'm not crazy.
Then again, i'm a professional wrestler, so perhaps i am?

more than anything, i'm just happy to write again...